Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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