I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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