she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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