was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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