Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
