I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
