This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
