forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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