My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
