My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
