My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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