she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
