I just pynch a tree in the face
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
zippers are such a cool invention
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
