is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
