Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
