Sponge bath it is.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
