i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
