what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
