dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
