I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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