you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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