Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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