just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
