Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
