Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
