What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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