Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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