Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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