good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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