i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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