I want to walk on stilts...naked
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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