She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
