I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
