we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Terrible idea I love it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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