She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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