She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
