Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
