Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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