haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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