im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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