he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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