Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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