I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
