theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
