your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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