I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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