the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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