I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
