I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love you.
Bad choice
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