Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
