Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
