the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
