Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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