worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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