Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
