she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
