We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
