before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
