remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
