I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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