IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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