you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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