someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
