Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions