My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen