considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion