It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.