The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
