My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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