Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize