It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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